Savaged by critics for failing to have interviewed, seen or even spoken

to Michael Jackson, the subject of her latest biography, the writer

Agatha Blunt defended her position by declaring "I didn't have to

meet him while he was living here on Earth.  The dear little man spoke

to me from the spirit world"  When asked what she thought of the music

she insisted that she hadn't heard any music since, "I wrote the entire

800 pages while in a trance."  Agatha Blunt is president-for-life of the 

British Psychics Writing and Drawing Circle.

The cast of 'Sod Off!' confronts an angry first night audience at the 

Royal Court Theatre.  The play, written by feisty feminist playwright

Lefty Morgan Murphy is a controversial attack on London's bourgeois

theatre audiences.  The actors are directed to assemble on the edge of 

stage, hurl abuse at the dress circle and spit at people in the front rows.

Murphy, best known for her 'Fart-Arse Monologues' and the recent

'Scum-Bag Scum-Bag' was indignant at the audience reaction. 

"Flaming cheek - they threw stuff back!" she complained over the
phone from her holiday home in the Algarve. "And that's not in the
 script. I mean, just who do these philistines think they're dealing
 with here?  I've won an Evening Standard Award"

Polenta 'Bunny' Hartebeeste "Most Romantic Novelist of the Year" 

poses for pictures to promote her latest best seller "Home Dressmaking 

for Beginners" In a recent interview she said, "In hard times we all have

 to try a little harder to look our loveliest. But even quite ordinary people

 can work wonders if they learn how to use a sewing machine"  

Her brother Fletcher Hartebeeste of the Sunday TimesLiterary 

Supplement quipped, "It was an absolute scream!  She made her outfit 

from a set of old cushion covers"

The huge success of husband and wife team Bert and Rachel Stokes

with their recipe book 'Cooking with Lard' followed by the lavishly

illustrated 'Five Hundred Fancy Fried Favourites' throws the world

 of publishing into a feeding frenzy. Chippy Norton celebrity blogger

 and part-time doughnut correspondent for the Fast Food Channel

is easily persuaded to write his own book of easy-bake cake recipes. 

"I sat here and done all the icing and everything" he said, as he posed

proudly for pictures in a corner of his mother's kitchen. 

and she's a pleasure to handle . . .

After failing to find success with Amaryliss Blowser's first novel,

the teenage historical vampire romance sci-fi epic, her publisher

and personal publicist Arty Finkel announces his intentions to enter

his struggling client into the 2012 Isle of Wight Poetry Beauty Pageant.

"It's a great showcase for new talent," Arty told the Author.

"Last year's winner, pictured second from right, now writes a regular 

hair and beauty column for the Sodbury District Weekly Shopper"

After hearing the Voice of Jesus coming from his wardrobe, the young

 charismatic Christian Colin Beanie was inspired to set aside the

collection of erotic love poems  he intended to dedicate to his 

best friend's mother, to write his own gospel and establish his 

own evangelical church.  The Gospel of Colin has now been 

translated into twenty languages and generated a library

of motivational tapes and DVDs.  "I was going into banking when 

I grew up," he said in a recent interview, "but when you crunch the 

numbers, this has got to make more sense"

After hearing that the creator of the Harry Potter books

J K Rowling, is to write a novel for grown-ups, the famous

children's author and TV personality Cheri Bloomer announces

her intentions to write an adult version of her popular 'Candy Cane'

series.  "I want to be taken seriously as a writer," she told crowds

during the opening of the latest Candy Cane Sugar Experience

at the Brent Cross Shopping Centre where she found time to model

items from the summer season Candy Cane Leisure Wear Range.