Tuesday, 30 April 2013

he considered doing the organisers

A suggestion that the Author might read his work at the Art Council's
Bonanza Book Bash on the Beach is rejected by this year's organisers
(above) on the grounds that he isn't a celebrity criminal, footballer or
tennis star, has never presented a recipe/gardening/decorating show
or featured in an episode of Dr Who.  "It's no good just scribbling!" 
they laughed at him.  "You need to have actually done something
 before we'll consider your application."

Tuesday, 23 April 2013

he really should have worn a vest

A literary lunch to celebrate the life and work of veteran love poet
Dudley Cardigan ends in uproar when - during a reading of his erotic
verse cycle 'Fiddlers Elbow' - excited admirers attempt to remove 
his shirt and shoes to take home as souvenirs.  This was the first time 
Dudley had been seen in public since the notorious incident during 
one of his public readings when a woman in the audience threw her
knickers at the stage, surprising the elderly poet who lost his balance
and tumbled into the orchestra pit.

Tuesday, 16 April 2013

but they cancelled the honeymoon

Moustachioed novelist and veteran campaigner against female 
stereotypes Muriel Gaylord (right) denies that her three-day marriage
to lady-boy poet Gary Chutney (left) was merely a publicity stunt.
"We wanted to draw attention to the ugly face of discrimination at work
in this country," she said in an interview for the Guardian newspaper,
using the occasion to announce their intentions of turning Gary's epic
love poem 'Fifty Shades of Gay - Bum Slapping, Bondage & Binge 
Eating' into a BBC TV game show later this year. 

Wednesday, 10 April 2013

it's always women and children first!

The Author's invitation to read extracts from the reprint of his novel
'The Sandman' on the 'Arty-Farty-Party' - a local radio afternoon arts
magazine is abruptly withdrawn when TV celebrity weather girl
Wendy Sponge calls the studio offering to sing a selection of her own
folk songs based on the hilarious antics of her young children 
 at nursery school.

Friday, 5 April 2013

Nickelodeon want the film rights

After the success of six-year-old author, Britney Woggle, whose
Booker Prize nominated first novel 'Woggle World' became an
international sensation for its notorious description of finger-painting
the celebrity micro-blogger Jason Dralon celebrates a five figure
advance for his own short story collection 'The Dralon Suite' 
a roller-coaster ride of toddler tantrums and sugar abuse.