Saturday, 25 August 2012

"and his breath came in short pants . . ."

Elsie and Doris Potter celebrate twenty years of writing hard-core
pornography for the Silk Panties Large Print Library with a cream tea
at the Grouchers Club.  "We specialise in erotica for seniors and we 
must have written hundreds of titles over the years," Elsie explains.
"Although obviously, at our age, we can't remember exactly.
Doris adds that "stories involving neck pillows and surgical stockings
have always been very popular.  And heroes with their own teeth"

Saturday, 18 August 2012

Reta and Toomas Jakobson, famous Estonian health campaigners 
and co-founders of the celebrity 'Kwik-E-Kure' private clinics arrive
in London to promote the English translation of their new book
'Smoke Your Way to Health & Fitness'  
Fifteen million copies have already been sold worldwide.

Friday, 10 August 2012

After the success of TV celebrities Bert and Rachel Stokes recipe book
'Cooking with Lard' the veteran cookery writer Bessie Snookes strikes
back with the re-publication of her classic three-volume blockbuster
'Fried Food for the Growing Family'  "I've eaten fry-ups for over sixty 
years and there's nothing wrong with me!" she quipped at the launch
 party held last week at Cyril's Chippy in Camden, North London.
 "And I've survived diabetes and a triple bypass operation" 

Monday, 6 August 2012

After years of disappointment struggling as a television scriptwriter,
biographer, performance poet, erotic novelist, celebrity blogger
and political correspondent for the Daily Mail, plucky Dudley Dexter 
disappears from view and re-emerges some time later as a pub pianist
and Richard Nixon impersonator.  "I've finally learnt to cash-in on
 my good-looks" he quipped. "And I'm planning to write an opera!"

Wednesday, 1 August 2012

The loveable fourteen-year-old munchkin and master microblogger 
Adrian Motley-Spaniel is signing a contract to publish his life so far.
'The Complete Tweets' will be released in twenty-five mini-volumes.
"It's - um - my life - you know - in easy - fun-size - quick-read portions."
Available. For download. Only.