Thursday, 29 March 2012

At the book launch to promote his latest self-help manual
"How to Hypnotise Women - And Make Them Do Weird Stuff"
the popular stage entertainer Cornelius Blight delights the guests
by mesmerising several lovely volunteers and then tapping out
a tune on the teeth of one of his 'victims'

Saturday, 24 March 2012

Moustachioed novelist and veteran campaigner against female
 stereotypes Muriel Gaylord, complains to the authorities when she 
finds herself disqualified from the Men's Trampoline Finals 
at this year's London Olympics. "Well, that's the ugly face
 of discrimination at work," she says and attempts to shrug  it off  by 
offering to write a twenty thousand word essay about her experience for the Guardian, who decline. 

Sunday, 18 March 2012

After a brief appearance at a local school sports day the Author
is cornered by the girls' synchronised swimming team who threaten
to complain to the staff about his louche behaviour unless he buys them
ice cream.  Although innocent of all charges, he's so surprised to hear 
them employ the word 'louche' he buys them whatever they fancy.

Tuesday, 13 March 2012

Lady-boy poet Gary Chutney fails to impress Spender Graves (left)
and Daisy Chalk (right) the judges of this year's Poem for the London
Olympics competition, when he enters his seventy-five stanza epic
protest ballad about the absence of cross-dressing track and field 
events.  "It was filth, we nearly called the police," they said. "But we're
told there's nothing we can do - he's part of some Minority Group"

Friday, 9 March 2012

Veteran love poet Dudley Cardigan was awarded a brace of prestigious
Golden Candlesticks - presented by a couple of our favourite
'Poetry in Motion Girls' - at the Poetry Society last night, 
in recognition of his contribution to Erotic Verse. Dudley could not
 attend the ceremony and has rarely been seen in public since the 
unfortunate accident during one of his readings of 'The Fiddlers Elbow' 
when a woman in the audience threw her knickers at the stage, 
catching the elderly poet a glancing blow to the head and knocking
him into the orchestra pit (see post for Tuesday 18th October)

Monday, 5 March 2012

Veteran TV Cookery Channel celebrity Gladys Beaver - seen here
with her twin sister and motorcycle enthusiast Cynthia - this week
sets out to promote her new book of recipes and wholesome memories
'Cooking in Gloves'

Thursday, 1 March 2012

 Fading romantic novelist Winifred Badger (left) announced yesterday
that she'll be seeking a new publisher for the next volume of her 
inspiring autobiography 'The Big Hair Years' after Badger's existing
 editor at Heart Throb Library failed to make an offer, complaining
that the first volume 'Fragrant Memories' failed to meet expectations
and had to be given to Ikea as window-dressing for their shelving