A picnic group taking photographs of the Author, 

having mistaken him for "someone famous off the telly"

When challenged they fail to remember the name

of this favourite celebrity and accuse the Author

of "being snooty" as they throw stones at him

The Author fails to generate excitement

at his Kilburn Literary Festival appearance:
the audience already sedated by Fanny Drone
having delivered an hour of amusing anecdotes
on her career writing romantic Light Verse
for the greetings card industry

The Author meets performance poet Gary Chutney.  

Chutney was a favourite of the disgraced

ex-Mayor of London, Ken Livingstone,

who had wanted Chutney to open the 2012 Olympics

with an epic protest poem about the sexual oppression

of men in frocks by the Metropolitan Police.

But Chutney couldn't think of anything.

The Author - the Wilderness Years

Fanny Drone and Joyce Potter-Pirbright

joint winners of the coveted Lyle H Oswald Prize

for speed writing poetry (light verse category)

at the Isle of Wight Literary Festival.

The prize was established by Polenta Hartebeeste

in memory of the late L H Oswald and presented

by her brother Fletcher Hartbeeste

Polenta "the Bouncy Bunny" Hartebeeste

with two unknown male companions

relaxing at the Cadbury World of Chocolate

Literary Festival

Polenta 'Bunny' Hartebeeste
"Most Romantic Novelist of the Century"

Fletcher Hartebeeste of the Sunday Times Literary Supplement insists

 that he's never heard of the Author - and if he did ever hear of the
Author he would certainly never bother to read him.

The Author in Uniform