another five hundred . . .

The Author's invitation to read from his own collected poems

at the Truculent Polecat gastro-pub during the Edinburgh Festival 

is abruptly withdrawn again this year when fantastically funny TV

 celebrity, comic and star of the smash hit game show"You Gotta Laff'

Travis Smelter (above) is persuaded by the pub's landlord to read 

from his best-selling sequel to 'Five Hundred Favourite Fart Jokes"

and he spent weeks making that costume . . .

The police were called to a 'suspected hostage situation'

when veteran performance poet Derwent Fiddler caused

panic at the Edinburgh Festival by attempting to involve

young members of the audience in his 'Monty the Cannibal Mouse'

event.  "If it's not Harry bloody Potter they're not interested!" 

he grumbled as he was separated from the screaming infant.