he considered doing the organisers

A suggestion that the Author might read his work at the Art Council's

Bonanza Book Bash on the Beach is rejected by this year's organisers

(above) on the grounds that he isn't a celebrity criminal, footballer or

tennis star, has never presented a recipe/gardening/decorating show

or featured in an episode of Dr Who.  "It's no good just scribbling!" 

they laughed at him.  "You need to have actually done something
 before we'll consider your application."

he really should have worn a vest

A literary lunch to celebrate the life and work of veteran love poet

Dudley Cardigan ends in uproar when - during a reading of his erotic

verse cycle 'Fiddlers Elbow' - excited admirers attempt to remove 

his shirt and shoes to take home as souvenirs.  This was the first time 

Dudley had been seen in public since the notorious incident during 

one of his public readings when a woman in the audience threw her

knickers at the stage, surprising the elderly poet who lost his balance

and tumbled into the orchestra pit.

but they cancelled the honeymoon

Moustachioed novelist and veteran campaigner against female 

stereotypes Muriel Gaylord (right) denies that her three-day marriage

to lady-boy poet Gary Chutney (left) was merely a publicity stunt.

"We wanted to draw attention to the ugly face of discrimination at work

in this country," she said in an interview for the Guardian newspaper,

using the occasion to announce their intentions of turning Gary's epic

love poem 'Fifty Shades of Gay - Bum Slapping, Bondage & Binge 

Eating' into a BBC TV game show later this year. 

it's always women and children first!

The Author's invitation to read extracts from the reprint of his novel

'The Sandman' on the 'Arty-Farty-Party' - a local radio afternoon arts

magazine is abruptly withdrawn when TV celebrity weather girl

Wendy Sponge calls the studio offering to sing a selection of her own

folk songs based on the hilarious antics of her young children 

 at nursery school.

Nickelodeon want the film rights

After the success of six-year-old author, Britney Woggle, whose

Booker Prize nominated first novel 'Woggle World' became an

international sensation for its notorious description of finger-painting

the celebrity micro-blogger Jason Dralon celebrates a five figure

advance for his own short story collection 'The Dralon Suite' 

a roller-coaster ride of toddler tantrums and sugar abuse.