A rare photograph of the Author being educated at home by his parents

After handsome hirsute scribbler Salman Rushdie starts complaining

 that people are trying to kill him (again) the Colwyn Bay Readers

 Group  attempts to reassure him that they really mean him no harm.  

They just want their money back.

Meet Nancy Fields from Newcastle, the proud winner of the BBC 

'Writing Stuff for the Telly' Competition.  Although her work will not

be broadcast by the BBC - who will only commission celebrity-driven

reality shows in the future - Nancy will be celebrating the New Year

with an all-expenses-paid trip to London for an escorted tour of BBC

Television Centre where she hopes to get the autographs of her favourite

newscasters.  "I'm so excited!" she told the Author.  "I really admire

people who read aloud for a living!

Lady-Boy Poet Gary Chutney (seen here with constant

companion, the Marxist mime artist Joe Tungsten) announces

his intention to write an epic protest poem about the absence

of cross-dressing events at this year's London Olympics.

Chuck Bradley the author of the best-selling book 'What Went Wrong

With America: Blame All the Foreigners' prepares his family to defend

hearth and home in the likely event of invasion. "We ain't worried.

 We already secured the perimeter and we know how to make 

our own ammo" his wife warned neighbours.

The moustachioed novelist Muriel Gaylord (pictured right)

is now playing the role of Wicked Sheriff of Nottingham in the

Christmas Panto 'Babes in the Wood' at the Bertolt Brecht Variety 

Theatre, Kilburn, North London.  "I chose to play the part in full 

costume as a protest against the presentation of female stereotypes

 on the stage, such as talented young actors being forced to flaunt their

 limbs when cast as principal boys," she said, posing for pictures with 

this year's lovely, long-legged principal boy, Alyssa, (left)

who we think is someone off the telly. Probably.

After their success with the popular TV show 'Greased Lightning'

on the Afternoon Cookery Channel, the husband and wife team

Bert and Rachel 'Do you want Fries with that' Stokes have recently

published their first finger-licken' recipe book "Cooking with Lard'